Barely Bearable

I'm just smart enough to be pissed at myself for the things I do and that's pretty much all the time.
I'll probably be famous someday for something embarrassing like falling asleep with a suction cup on my forehead.
We all want to be so much more than what we really are.
we spend so much time arguing with reality.
Never do we win.
Maybe I'll get famous for inventing the the proper emoticon for suicidal.
Some would say I'm just being dramatic,
but that's only because I haven't taken hostes cupcakes and asked for a ransom.
Please know this. 
my battery is getting low.
The Shattering of myself is complete.
I just hope there's  enough glue
on my fingers to keep the pieces
I like in place
as I build a new me.

&To all of those who decided along the way
to jump ship as if it were sinking,
yes life goes on
and No I will not be returning for you.
I hope you learned how to swim.
Since you now wonder what happened to jeffrey and popeye...
I'll let you all in on a little secret.
I killed them.
No bodies.
No evidence.
Just the empty stare you find on my face.
Just silence for once
while i try and sleep.

skin hidden

The roses I grew
for no one,

came in as suddenly
as wetfeet in a storm,
 
knowing it
only
makes it
worse,

eaten by that which
eats at us all,

                   hunger.

De-hyphenated on Parchment Paper Maps

Imagine if you will
This everything
you remember
will be forgotten by your decendents
you were expecting more
and now
somehow you feel cheated
somehow someone lied to you
About everything magical
But here we are, the lot of us
We're all on the same beach
Looking free
waiting for the tide to
come in take
us away from fear and flesh
No matter how long i
tread these waters
One day i will have to drown
Swallow gulping gasps of oh noes
Give up and in
No more holding it down
No more keeping it out
Sometimes its as if
we all forget together
Do We forget on purpose?
All of us have to die
I am watching
my father's corpse come
over the horizon
The ravens want my eyes
Even though i saved
their only son from
eager claws
The drowning and forgetfulness
that is to become us all

All that i am remembering
Will be forgotten
All that i am made from
Will linger only slightly longer
dusting the shelves laid bare
And forgotten to the sea

The Idled-slow sideshow

a year in the making,
a whole lifetime of aching,
No end in sight
No end to this insight

It always starts with the fingers falling apart
with yesterday's phone parts
falling apart as if I got made out of spare parts
someone else's livers and hearts
what exactly am I made out of?
I thought I was a new person
just hold
but I'm just old
parts of older people
make my living selling top-shelf, self-help books from my own self hell
for what
Just another one of the left out overnight kids
one of those containers without lids
useless to the masses
unless you got scars on your asses
Or pass a few of their rape based classes

I am dying.
Not like a flower or a metaphor.
For sure.
This my bones tell me in the evenings
where the sun is dim and fading.
Believe I did, in this impending train coming full of fury around the bends in my vision. Snucked and sneaked till my soul squeaked slow it down
Needing something sad to dance to
Had it all
Lost it all.
And there's more to be forfeited
in futures lost to addicted
forests of misery
beckons to me beautiful
women kill me or kiss me
but will they miss me?
Some do
and some regret not
forgetting enough.